It just doesn't fit
by Antlers
Summary: Bella pops in for a nice little chat with her stripper cousin, Alice. One-shot maybe. better than it sounds...i hope! : rated T for language.


I stood in the back of the strip club, cheering on my cousin like it was a freaking football game.

"Whoo! Go, Paradise!" I shouted over the cheers and whistles of the horny pervs in front of me.

Alice, or should I say Paradise, spun around on her pole and rubbed against it, driving the crowd nuts. I couldn't help but laugh at her face. We grew up together, and it was just a bit odd to see her do this.

I waited until she was done, and then she met me around back like we usually do. I shifted my baby to my other arm, and grinned at Alice. She pulled on her coat and lit a cigarette. We walked to her house in silence.

Alice led me to her kitchen table, and sat down opposite of me. Letting a puff of smoke out into the air, she stared at me.

"So, what do you want, Bells?" she asked.

"The usual. I've got the money."

"Ah. Right. Hold on a second, let me get it." She went to her room for a minute, and then came back with a rather large bag of weed. I handed her the money required and she gave me the weed. I put it in a small compartment of my backpack. My baby started making sounds so I shifted her to the other arm once again.

Alice looked at me for a while. "So is that all?" she asked finally.

I bit my lip and looked around her tiny house, at all the chipping paint and crappy appliances. "Well, I was kind of wondering if you could watch Mattie here for a while." I gestured to the sleeping 10-month old in my arm.

Alice groaned. "Bella, you know I can't afford another fucking kid. Stripping only gets you so much, and Jake, Jasper, Emmett, and Embry haven't paid child support for a while." She flicked out her cigarette and lit a new one.

"Please, Alice? I really can't take her with me." I pleaded softly.

She sighed. "Let me guess, a baby just doesn't fit into your lifestyle, hmm?"

"Yeah. I hardly have enough food for me, let alone a little alien who can't eat tacos."

Alice laughed her bell-laugh. "I'll bet she doesn't fit in your backpack either."  
"No, she does, I'm just not comfortable with her drool near my stuff." Mattie let out a loud wail, and Alice told me to put her on the blanket in her room.

"Huh. So who's is it anyways?"

"Er, Edward's."  
Alice's jaw dropped. "What the fuck? Edward? That dumb-shit? Why the hell would you do him?"  
I smacked her playfully on the head. "I needed some extra cash."

"You whore."  
"Ha, like you can talk!" I pulled out my pipe and lighter and started smoking. "Oh hey, Alice?"

"What?"

"Can I crash here tonight? I haven't had a shower for a while, and I want to sleep in an actual bed. I'm tired of trees."

Alice pursed her lips and thought about it for a second. "Yeah, why not?"

"Thanks." I got up to go take a shower when she grabbed my arm.

"Don't get in the shower until 10 to 20 minutes after you get in the bathroom."

"Uhh, why?"

"Mike, Garth, and Seth have recently taken an interest in seeing naked bitches." She told me.

"Oh."

**Authors Note!**

**Okay, yeah. I know that was retarded. But it was a daydream I had so I had to write it down. I'm gonna clear some stuff up for you guys, because I don't think I explained it very well.**

**1. Alice and Bella are cousins, they are both around 22 or 23 years old. **

**2. Alice is a stripper named Paradise and she is the mother of 4, all with different fathers.**

**3. Bella is kind of like a nomad, she doesn't really have a home. She prefers to go where the wind takes her and she paints, writes songs, and does photography of the things she sees for a living. When she does get a job, she works in fast food places so that she doesn't have to buy food. So yeah, a baby would not fit into that lifestyle.**

**4. Alice and Edward are NOT related in this. **

**5. Edward is not the hot amazing guy you all know, in this he is kind of an idiot and not very hot at all. Like a medium hot.**

**I don't think this is going to be anything but a one-shot. But if enough people like it, I'll turn it into a story. ******


End file.
